I’ve always promised to myself that I’d blog for me. I’d speak the truth and put my emotions in words. If others read it and relate, it gives my writing more purpose and if I end up just reading it out load to the cat, at least she has had a good bedtime story.
As someone who’s known exactly what she likes and dislikes from the age of 4, I’d say I’m going through a difficult transition. I’ve always been the girl with a fully detailed life plan. They say there are two types of girls: the ones that have a list on their phone of guys they’ve slept with and the second has a list with their kids baby names. I have a list of dog names. That pretty much sums up my extreme planning! I’ve drafted my wedding invites (just waiting to find out my husbands name and figure out a cute hashtag), dream job planned and the exact route to figure it all out. But looking back, nothing that made me who I am today comes from anything I’ve planned. The biggest pivotal moments of my life were overcoming OCD, scoliosis, family deaths, supporting my mum through an ongoing and reoccurring 10 years of battling with cancer, my design work, my university friends, all things that I could not have imagined happening, yet I still continue to draft every situation in my head.
What I’m getting at deep beyond the word vomit of this blog is that I need to come to terms with the uncertain path my life will follow. I need to trust my journey, and have confidence in everything I’ve overcome thus far and how brave I’ve had to be. Here is a life update. Right now, I’m a few weeks into my second year at University. I’m applying to internships, whilst my friends don’t, scared for how my final year will play out if I’m the only one left, yet I started uni without knowing anyone and I am doing this for ME. I see absolutely no romantic connection to anyone but that’s ok as I don’t want to waste my time on something that isn’t absolutely perfect. I’ve just got a job at a sweet shop(!) and have lots of design jobs on the horizon plus a hundred big ideas and ways I want my business to go. My mum is recovering from the worst treatment she had, and I feel guilty for not being home yet am so busy and know this is the best place for me. I’m blogging about my raw emotions and feeling a release, like I am making sense of all my feelings. This is why I blog. And now all this uncertainty finally makes sense.
Until the next breakdown,
Always got your back,